just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
