I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
