I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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