there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
