Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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