He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
