I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
