just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
