The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
