Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
