My cat gives me a boner
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
