...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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