i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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