So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cut my penus on the lid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
