when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
