Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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