Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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