How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
