so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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