I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
