Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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