I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
