she woke up with a sticky ear
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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