The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize