I haven't been this sober since birth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
