So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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