You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
