my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
