i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just high enough for therapy.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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