Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
