The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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