He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
