My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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