how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
