She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
