He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
