he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
