It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize