I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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