TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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