Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
