apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
