she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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