i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
