Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
