mondays should just be called national damage control day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
