i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
