what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
birth control should be required to get into college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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