You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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