This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
