i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
