hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
