Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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