first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
PANTIES FOUND
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