Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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