I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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