Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
3 2 1 whiskey
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
