Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is wine microwaveable?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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