This house was built for laser tag.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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