I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
