if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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