Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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