I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
