just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
