after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
