people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
