Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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