Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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