the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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