we have pet lesbian snakes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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